7 Ways to Prepare Your Preteen for Adolescents

1.       Pick Your Battles – As parents we should endeavor not to nit-pick our kids for stuff that doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of life. I still have to remember this concept. When our kids are young we should correct and steer our kids in the right direction, giving small choices. As they get older we strive to give harder choices to make on their own.

     Pick serious toned instruction with subjects that truly matter. We should not badger our kids for little things. Not everything is a big deal. Too many times I nit-picked my kids about hair style, being messy, etc. In the grand scheme of things, who really cares that their hair was not perfect all of the time, or the house wasn't neat and tidy. Will an excellent hairstyle cause them to make good decisions, or keep them out of harms way? No. Although a clean room might. Not really, that was a little humor.

            If we nag all the time they will not listen to us when it really matters. My husband and I both have our picky areas and they thankfully are not the same. When I want to nit-pick the kids about things that bother me, he is there to nudge me to choose my battles and I do the same to him on the issues that grate his nerves.

       2. Love Their Quirkiness – understand that the sweet little child that could bat their eyes and once melted your heart, has temporarily vanished. You will probably only see glimpses of that individual in the next several years. But that sweetness will return when they become young adults.  

 

3.       Focus on Morality – do so with less nagging and more informal instruction. Concentrate on things that will help them be good decision makers and leaders in the home and society.

 

                  Do not spoon feed them information, ask open ended, life impacting questions, such as: “Johnny what do you think about such and such?” Or “How would you handle this or that?” Start with smaller issues and as they increasingly mature tackle larger issues. Examples of this would be: The younger preteen: "Emily why do you think the church has a dress code for camp?" The older preteen: "Emily what are your thoughts about girls having boyfriends, kissing boys, or kids who do drugs." Hopefully you have already explained God's and subsequently your view on such subjects.

 

            Keep dialogue age appropriate by answering their questions and not giving too much information at one time on a given subject. Our discussions on these subjects should be throughout childhood, giving bits and pieces along the way. It's not about all the information flooded at once and then that's the end of the discussion on the given matter. Discussion at pivotal points or moments of query are crucial.

 

     Stand firm on Biblical truths. Moral issues are a hill worth dying on. There should be no movement or hesitation on your Biblical worldview in rearing your children. People who say, "I'm letting my children choose their own faith." These individuals do not choose a spiritual foundation and have in reality chosen a faith for their child. That faith is for their child not to have faith at all.

     Help your children to own their faith by asking questions to analyze where they are spiritually. Encourage Scripture readings and open dialogue about the meaning of the biblical text. When they ask you what you think, tell them. Although, when you tell them what you think, please do not forget to tell them why you believe what you believe.

     The why is just as important as the what. If we forget the why and only focus on the what, it loses the chance to show our kids how to reason and make wise decisions. This shows our decision making with a purposeful outcome. Actually, it reveals to our children who we are.

4.       Give Rite of Passage Statements – These are statements like: “Now that you are 11… you are old enough to have this or that responsibility.” Hold them accountable for completing a certain standard in their performance, yet not expecting perfection. Give them authority or leadership over younger kids or in community or church with you guiding them in the process. Another statement would be: “Now that you are 13 we expect more out of you, Julie. In the Jewish culture 13 year olds are official adults. This means you are capable of adult decision making. I am going to be watching to see all the great decisions you will be making! I am here for you if you ever have any questions.”  Also, compliment them in front of others. This bestows confidence in them. Giving validity to the fact they are a contributing part of the community at large and progressing in their efforts of maturity.

 

             If your child rebels your responsibility delegations, respond with statements such as: "My job as your parent is to prepare you for adulthood, not to be your best friend." or "The reason we give you responsibility is because we know you can do it." or  "God gave you to us because He made you with potential, and has instructed us to see to it that you use that potential."

 

 

5.       Think of Your Child as Your Apprentice – You are preparing them to take over the family lineage after you pass on.  Actually, I believe this is the very reason why we were given the chance to be parents.

 

     Talk to them about the future and how special they are to carry on the family spiritual heritage after you are gone. This empowers them and gives them a sense of belonging that can only come thru your family. This process teaches them how to be a spouse, parent, member of society, and a local church.

6.       Chill out and seek God’s wisdom for times of your impatience, because parental impatience is a reality in everyone's life. Why do we get impatient? Because we:

a.       Love them.

b.      Do not want to see them get hurt.

 

c.      We do not want to look bad in front of our friends, church, or family members. We take our kid's behavior as a reflection of our parenting skills or take it personally in some way. I have done this and I am sure you have too.

 

             It’s ok. Our children have free will and are their own individual person with individual personalities that are transforming into who they are becoming as a future adult. Adam, Eve and the generations of us who came after them, have the perfect parent; God. Yet, we still mess up and make mistakes. Thank God for His Grace in such times. Our message should be love even in the midst of discipline.

7.       Repeat this process over and over again until they move on to college. When the children go to college, use these principles from afar. We should always be there and never let go of our kids through the college years. We choose the fine line between accountability and grace, just as our heavenly Father does. We are always His child, saved by grace, but are guided by His loving stern hand in times of disobedience. He never leaves us nor forsakes us. I know I take comfort in that fact, and so does my children.

              I'm praying for you as you parent your preteens into adolescence and into adulthood. I pray they are individuals who follow and love the Lord their God. Children are indeed an inheritance from the Lord.

 

Thank you for taking the time to read my contemplations.

 Blessings,
©Darla J. Smith
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